Those Not So Pleasant Moments On Board A Horse

That surge in horse power just before a massive buck.

 

Realising your phone has just slipped out of your pocket.

 

Realising this and hearing a splash or a crunch.

 

When the wind is so strong you can’t hear anything including your own voice swearing at the weather.

 

Water beard aka when there is so much rain its hitting your nose and running down your chin like a little waterfall.

 

Water beard progressing to running down the front of your neck and chest.

 

When you realise that the person heading straight for you in the arena has no concept of left hand to left hand, no sense of self preservation and no intention of deviating from their current trajectory.

 

Crashing in to another rider knee to knee. Nothing like a knee joint bent backwards to test your flexibility and pain threshold.

 

Knowing you have no room to put in a small stride before a big fence and not enough impulsion to take it at a long one. Time to kick on, hold the Jesus strap and pray.

 

When the horse decides that regardless of having a rider on board, this little patch of land would be perfect for a roll.

 

Even worse when it’s a patch of lake or river.

 

Forgetting to wear a sports bra and feeling a bra strap slide irritatingly down your arm.

 

Being unable to grab the rogue strap and return it to its rightful place because it is winter and the strap is buried under a waterproof jacket, gilet, fleece and underlayer.

 

Taking a branch to the face while riding through trees.

 

Discovering that you are no longer in the dressage arena.

 

Putting so much effort into staying on that you pull and strain more muscles than you would have if you fell off.

 

Riding without gloves on a sweaty horse and having that moment of realisation that you have no grip what so ever.

 

When a fly enters your head through your mouth, nose, ear or eye.

 

When this happens in a competition and half of you tries to remain calm and focussed and the other half wants to shriek ‘get it OUT!!’.

 

Ripping your jodhpurs up the ass/ crotch.

 

Horse hair or hay in your bra.

 

When your socks lose their elasticity and keep falling down as you ride. #firstworldequestrianproblems #sockrage

 

Having a brain freeze and no idea what the next fence on the course or movement in the dressage test is.

 

Whacking your foot off a jump wing as you jump a fence.

 

When you are hacking and the horse starts to show off it’s ‘road dressage’ moves especially the elevated and lateral ones.

 

Getting mud in your eyes when you wear contact lenses out hunting or cross country.

 

When a horse with a short neck and shoulder puts in a sudden ‘hell no’ stop just before a fence. #braceyourself

 

When a horse’s head comes up to meet your face and firmly smack you in the nose.

 

The moment of fear when a horse puts his eye on the arena fence and you are not entirely sure what is going to happen next.

 

When you are holding on for dear life but know that inevitably, you are falling off.

 

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