I cleaned out my jeep last weekend. 😱
Yes you heard that correctly and no I haven’t gone insane. I had to fit two humans, a dog and enough stuff for 3 days into it so it was inevitable. 👱♂️👱♀️🐶
If you haven’t cleaned your horsey vehicle out for a while I’d highly recommend it – it’s like an episode of hoarders.
I had enough whips in the back of black beauty the jeep to host an S & M party. 😅
In my defence there are several categories of whip:
1) Fancy dressage whip only used at competitions
2) Less fancy schooling whip used when you are riding something spicy and may have to drop it like its hot and don’t want to risk the fancy one being lost / stepped on
3) Second less fancy one as you forgot the first one was in the jeep.
4) Ancient long forgotten schooling whip with the tassel long gone
5) Fancy jumping whip only used at shows
6) Other jumping whip not used because the handle is annoyingly heavy
7) About 16 older jumping whips because every time I go to drive out the yard I think oh yeah I must bring one just in case as I’ve forgotten I have several others already.
The irony of this is I have two horses and I only actually ever carry a whip on one of them. Our riding school manager watching me finding all of this and quietly took and rehomed all of category 7 as he now understood why he couldn’t find any!
I also have apparently been preparing for a zombie apocalypse 👽where I will have to live in my car as I have in the boot a ground sheet, a fold up bed, a sleeping bag, several bottles of water, a change of clothes and a torch. The one thing that of course I don’t have is a f00king tent because that would actually make sense. 🤦♀️
Other delights thrown up by Black Beauty the jeep that I suspect exist in most equestrian vehicles were:
– Mane combs with various number of teeth missing. Explains why I can never find the little f**kers in the yard
– Hoof pick.
– First aid kit for horses. Obviously none for a human but to be fair if Botanica cream Botanica International Ltdand vet wrap can’t fix it you might as well drive to A & E
– Bandages and bandage wraps
– Baler twine aka McGuyver string
– High viz stuff
– Horse treats
– Hoods off various jackets as I have a hatred of hood flapping behind me when I ride
– Insulation tape and vet wrap
– Headcollar and lead rope as we have all had a horse break a rope at a show and we all know someone who had to rescue a random roaming horse on the road
– Jump leads and all the breakdown stuff that will work on a jeep but not a horsebox tyre
– Plastic bags with a handful of plaiting bands in them
– Protein bars and jellies the staple diet of an on the road equestrian
– Sunglasses. I have at any time 100 pairs or 0 pairs of sunglasses. I buy all of mine at penneys / primark because I lose them about six times a day. The only odd one out of a pair of who knows if they are fake rayban type things that a randomer gave to me when I was very drunk in a pub one night as they apparently suited me better than them (cheers mate!).
– Packet of dried out window wipe things.
– Random spare metal fixings / clips from horse box
– Lip gloss for when you look like sweaty road kill but need to go somewhere sociable on the way home (lipgloss and sunglasses FTW).
– Shoes that you forgot you put in there
– One glove. The missing pair from the one glove at home you threw out because it had no pair
– Old dressage tests because who knows when you will need to review the fact that your horse needed to be more supple on 2nd April 2 years ago
– Changing cables usually for every phone on the planet bar the phone you actually have
– Baby wipes because you intended to clean your tack and boots and you didnt
– Toilet roll. Only a fool goes to a show without toilet roll
Equestrian Reality 