Feed me- it’s ten minutes past diner time and I am starving!

Only an idiot wears uncovered white jodhpurs more than fives minutes before you have to get up on a horse

Expensive shiny black hoof polish does not come out of white jods. Been there, done that, have the cleaning products to prove it. Give up it’s not going to happen.

Ditto for bog mud

When cleaning out stud holes there will always always be one that is blocked by a little stone the exact size of the stud hole itself

Every yard has one ‘helpful’ person who will put hoof oil on a horse’s feet just before you need to pick them out or put studs in.

When you ride fantastically and your horse performs beautifully there will never be anyone around to see it happen. Fall on your ass once though and there will always be a crowd watching and someone with a camera.

Lists of things to bring to shows should always include the horse, horsebox, saddle and bridle.

It is possible, and painful to cut yourself with a clippers

Using iodine without gloves leads to Homer Simpson style fingers

Unless you want to look like a smurf from the arms down, don’t try to dye faded saddle cloths back to their original navy colour using cold dye, a bucket and a stick to stir it with.

While attaching all a saddle cloths straps to the saddle is correct, neat and safety conscious – unless the straps are the Velcro ones it is just infuriating to have to take it back off again in a hurry

Guns don’t kill people, a herd full of horses fed over an hour later than their usual feeding time kill people