Never take the p*ss out of a side saddle instructor online before she gives you a lesson. You will regret it!
If you don’t know much about wine its fair enough to judge and choose a bottle by name – who could say no to a glass of antares?
Always pack muscle gel and pain killers.
Never poke a sleeping baby ‘just to check she is okay’.
If you are by yourself, injured and in need of help just think “What if I was in America?”
According to Irish mammies a tub of sudocreme or a good hot bath for a few days can cure pretty much any illness and injury.
When sleeping in an old stately home steeped in history someone will always end up with the room mate who is convinced it must be haunted.
Horses can and will remove and damage shoes just to annoy you.
Never underestimate how many oranges a toddler can eat in one day and still want more.
Never try on and fasten an apron two sizes two small unless you are sure you can get it back off again before you suffocate or split in half.
Men who seem uninterested in talk about saddles, horses and habits perk up a lot when those topics include corsets and sports bras.
Never attempt to play polocrosse side saddle on a spooky horse who has never seen a racket before.
The people who say ‘oh no I’m definitely not jumping’ are usually the ones who lose the run of themselves in the end.
When you feel like you are sitting fairly comfortably and elegantly while cantering side saddle you may in fact be bouncing loosely on top of the horse while sat crooked.
The more you try to twist yourself at the hips like a corkscrew and sit quietly the faster the horse will insist on trotting.
The best cure to being a bit loose in the saddle while cantering aside is to move on to jumping – amazing what the ‘grip or fall’ instinct does when it kicks in.
The quickest way through a car checkpoint is to turn up with enough Chinese food and bottles of wine for twenty people in the back of the car and offer the guard a prawn cracker.
Wearing flat ballet shoes out to a yard for five minutes means you are guaranteed wet filthy feet in about ten seconds.
If you are not a fan of heights, don’t get stuck on a horse that doesn’t like water on a high bridge over a wide river on a windy day.