Common Varieties of Riding School Pony

‘My Little Pony’

 

Small, cute fluffy and basically a real life ‘My Little Pony’. Has tiny hooves and ears. Looks like butter wouldn’t melt and could get away with murder for looking so damn cute.

 

‘I’ve Totally Got This’

 

Very confident pony who is happiest when the rider holds the mane and leaves them alone to get on with the job. When jumping a few fences, usually knows the course themselves by the third go. Does not believe in needing to be going at a steady pace or in a straight line to be able to jump a fence correctly. Loves to show off to an audience.

 

‘The Old Timer’

 

Was ‘18’ for many years and referred to as ‘aged’ for the past decade as no one is quite sure of exact age anymore. No one yard can remember the pony not being there.

‘The Robot’

 

Powers down to a coma when not in use and when walking as a group. When activated by riders legs, will complete the task at hand before returning to energy saver mode.

 

‘The Piglet’

 

Eats for approximately 23.5 hours a day. Could find grass in a desert. Will search through bedding for blades of hay after eating everything in the haynet. Wears grass reins as otherwise would spend entire lesson trying to eat leaves, twigs and grass verges.

 

‘I Used To Be a Show Jumper’

 

Retired show jumper that still is a five year old at heart and is reliving the glory days. Has no respect for cross poles or anything under 90cm. Will throw in a long stride or bounce a double for fun when not feeling particularly challenged.

 

‘Two Gears Only’

 

Only has two gears – full stop and full speed. Alternates between the two. Stops at the end of the ride like a cowboy’s horse in a western film.

 

‘The Saint’

 

Horse or pony with a heart of gold. Will carefully jump anything in front of it despite what the rider is doing up on top and would probably still jump if rider dropped the reins entirely and hugged it’s neck. Will slow down and put neck up to rebalance a wobbly rider. Has the patience of a saint and never reacts negatively to the inexperienced no matter what they do.

 

‘The Gentle Giant’

 

Like The Saint but super sized. As gentle as they are high. Not bothered at all by having several children climbing up all over them to groom them and loves the bit of attention.

 

‘The Matriarch’

 

Usually the oldest mare on the block. Cruises the arena and stables with an air of authority and only has genuine respect for experienced staff. Has to be in a set position in the ride to ensure they are ahead of the horses they have deemed to be inferior to them. Will put other ponies in their place when turned out and will demand to be fed first. Will do whatever the rider asks provided they feel like doing it.

 

‘The Lemming’

 

The ultimate follower. Would literally trot through fire or off a cliff without complaint provided there was another horse or pony in front of them. Lacks independence and hates to ever be in front of the group. Terrified of The Matriarch. When reaching the end of the ride, will try to hide behind the pony in front of them as they hate to have to pass out the group.

 

‘Confused.com’

 

Wants to be in front and so pulls the arms off the rider when kept behind the lead horse when riding in a group. When switched to being lead file, gets confused and becomes backwards to ride and only half as interested in moving forwards.

 

‘The Careful One’

 

Hates to touch a pole with their hoof and so will clear a pole or fence by a mile or not at all.

 

‘The Motorbike’

 

Hasn’t actually been in to any of the corners of the arena in years. Ignores riders efforts to put them there and rides all square or rectangular arenas as a giant circle. Turns like a double decker bus.

 

‘The Escape Artist’

 

Can fit into the feed room and will do so at every opportunity. Lives for the moment a rider forgets to fully close a door. Can exit stable in such conditions in approximately 2 seconds flat.

 

‘Jeckyl and Hyde’

 

When this pony is good, they are very very good. When they are not they are as cheeky as possible. Instructors fear the glint in their eye when this pony decides to take their halo off.

 

‘Arena Angel, Stable Devil’

 

Angelic to ride and incredibly tolerant of small children. Bold as brass for yard staff when stabled.

 

‘The Challenge’

 

Pretends to be a complete lemming and dog lazy and does as little as they can get away with. With an experienced rider on board transforms into a forward thinking super star who is dying to please. Requires rider knowledge of which buttons to press to activate this mode.

 

‘Bathroom Break’

 

Rarely manures in the stable as they save it all up for bathroom breaks when ridden. This usually coincides with it being their turn to do something. This horse or pony is the bane of the life of whoever is on poo picking duty.

 

 ‘The Metronome’

 

Walks, trots and canters at their own pace without every changing tempo or rhythm or losing balance. Riders efforts to change this go completely un noticed as horse / pony demonstrates immunity to these aids. Will even jump out of set canter rhythm.

 

‘Are We Jumping Yet’

 

Hates flatwork and sees it as something the rider makes them do before they get to jump. Immediately locks eyes on the nearest jump when entering the arena. Almost bursts with excitement when poles are produced as poles mean jumping which means fun. Quivers in excitement when it is their turn to jump.

 

‘The Scruff’

 

Pony was once white and has now faded to a shade of lemon or yellow. Will roll face down in poo at the mention of being brought outside the stable. Comes in from the field wearing mud from ears to heels.

 

 

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