First World Equestrian Problems


I want a pair of new shoes but I spent all my money on ones for my horse.

The horse now has three shoes, one bare hoof and a smug expression.

I can’t get a fly veil in the right shade to match my saddle pad.

I am not sure if the hip flask is half full or half empty.

The saddle cloth I need to remove is attached to the saddle with non Velcro straps.

The wet sand has dulled the shine of my new boots.

Pulling a mane chipped my nail polish.

I am going to have to sell a horse, I just can’t afford to keep five.

I am going to need a habit and tweed jacket to really bring out the colour in each animal.

My grey horse is no longer a grey horse.

I only have seven matching studs.

My dressage tests are only a half hour apart.

The horse pooed in the water bucket…..again.

My trainer can’t drive to me so I have to drive the horse to them.

I lost at least two diamonte plaiting bands in that competition.

I had to tack up and untack by myself.

The rain has washed away my quarter markings.

I had to drive over an hour to a competition, with toll roads!

I was reduced to riding in a showing or dressage class in a GP saddle.

My travel rug and boots don’t match.

I had to carry haylage with my hands.

I had to clean out the jeep after a competition and witness the amount of sand, hair, gravel and hay that had migrated inside of it.

The rug only came in two colours and neither suited my horses colouring.

My horse rolled just after I washed him.

This mane is just too damn short to plait.

I stabbed myself with a needle when sewing in plaits.

I had to walk through four fields in the rain to catch my horse.

I had to roll my stirrup leathers because my legs were too short for the saddle.

I had to get off my horse several times to adjust the height of the fence.

Laying out a dressage arena for practice took me half an hour and it still wasn’t straight.

I was walking the cross country course and realised my boots are not waterproof.

Nobody noticed my new stock pin.

This water bucket is too heavy for me to lift by myself.

My house smells like damp horse, saddle soap and leather oil.

I have hat hair.

My farmer tan is fading due to the lack of sunshine.

I have run out of baler twine.

Vanish couldn’t get the stains out of my white bandages.

It took me five tries to reverse the hitch just under the trailer attachment to hitch up the horse box.

Someone just dropped a bridle and martingale that wasn’t tied up and I have to fix this.

The horse keeps standing on the hose.

I dropped a pole on my toes.

There were other people in the arena when I was schooling and we had to work around each other.

I am tapping studs and these hooves are so heavy.

I wish I had an indoor arena.

My new saddle cloth is covered in hair and sweat.

This lorry only sleeps two people.

The gate latch is too low and I had to get off to open it.

I caught my hair in the harness of my hat.

These gloves are not gripping my reins enough.

The judge called my mare a ‘handsome boy’.

The rain has gone through three jackets and is running down my neck.

I had to get up so early, it was still dark out.

The ribbons on my rosette are crumpled.


All content produced on this site is my own original content. Please do not reproduce without my prior permission. Thanks, L


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