Blog Archives

Elementary my dear horse

marlton

Why the national championships?

Goals are personal and what matters to each rider really does depend on their own experiences. For me, competing successfully at the National Dressage Championships has meaning because when I first started proper dressage training a few years ago it seemed ridiculously unlikely that I would ever be good enough to be able to do it.

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If Horses could text us – travelling in the horsebox

I’ve been having great fun with the TextingStory app – here is a video I made earlier based on what I reckon it would be like if Sammy could text me en route 🙂

 

Hail To The Bystander

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Hail to the bystanders

Always waiting to say

You shouldn’t be riding

Your horse in that way

 

Always ready with advice

When you fall to the ground

Although their only riding experience

Is reading horse and hound

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Life With Horses – Illustrated

Training:

eqr-1

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Horse Related Injuries that are Practically a Rite of Passage

Having a horse stand on you either being a delinquent brat or jumping on you terrified when expecting you to save them. Injuries will range from the standard ‘oh my f**king god it hurts’ bruised foot to broken toes.

 

Losing a toe nail thanks to the above and spending at least one season unable to wear open toed shoes.

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The Reality of Being Short Sighted Equestrian

Having no idea which horse is yours without wearing glasses or contact lenses, you just know what colour blur it should be.

Experiencing the unique pain of a horses head bashing your glasses into your face.

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First World Equestrian Problems

 er

I want a pair of new shoes but I spent all my money on ones for my horse.

The horse now has three shoes, one bare hoof and a smug expression.

I can’t get a fly veil in the right shade to match my saddle pad.

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The Reality of Being A Hobbit Height Rider / Groom

 

sg3

  • Having to teach yourself to mount up using a block / fence / gate / anything available as there is little hope of you making it from the ground.

 

  • People thinking your horse is way bigger than it is. “Oh my god she must be 18 hands!”. Eh, no, I’m just really short.

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People You Are Likely To Meet In A Stable Yard

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The Fictional Show Jumper

 

“I can jump 1.20”. Sure you can……at home…..badly….over a single fence. The miraculous feats achieved by the fictional show jumper will often happen when there is no one around to see, video or photograph it. Likewise, none of these skills have yet been displayed at a competition where the fictional show jumper is  usually jumping several grades lower than their stories centre around.

 

The Directionless Wonder aka those with zero survival instinct aka the zombie apocalypse

 

‘left hand to left hand’ may very well be a rule of open schooling in the arena but the directionless wonder has no concept of left and right and will fail to notice that they are in any danger when you are heading straight towards them. The directionless wonder will somehow always end up riding in the same area of the school as you and will stroll along behind or in front of a show jumping fence as they have not noticed that you are jumping it  One may often wonder how the directionless wonder has managed to ever cross a road given their complete lack of self- preservation. When riding in the vicinity of the directionless wonder the normal rules of schooling should be disregarded and instead the best practice is simply to stay out of their way, roar jumping whenever you are approaching a fence and give them an extremely wide berth if on a young or green horse

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That Awkward Moment When….

Equestrian Reaity

You realise you know what age all the horses are but had to think for a minute to remember what age your siblings are.

You wonder what that smell in the supermarket is and then realise it’s you. Haylage and rain are not a good mix.

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