Hail to the bystanders
Always waiting to say
You shouldn’t be riding
Your horse in that way
Always ready with advice
When you fall to the ground
Although their only riding experience
Is reading horse and hound
If you are feeling progress
They can take you down a peg
Nothing makes them happier
Than shrieking ‘you are on the wrong leg!!’.
You might start out confident
But soon you will feel dire
Don’t bother explaining your experience,
Sure if you jumped, they jumped higher.
If they are at a competition
The course builders stride is always wrong
They are only ever spectating
So the course never looks that strong.
They live in a fictional past
Where their ability was plenty
One of the first things they will tell you is
‘I used to jump one twenty’.
If you are competing in dressage
They will always watch your test
They will tell what went wrong
And which movement wasn’t your best
If you are wondering what is permitted
Don’t ever be a fool
They might never have competed
But they memorised every rule
They are such an armchair expert
Always glued to horse tv
They take such joy in pointing out
Any flaw that they can see
The best response to give
If you want to have some fun
Is “saddle up there buttercup
And show me how it’s done”
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Equestrian Reality 