Having a horse stand on you either being a delinquent brat or jumping on you terrified when expecting you to save them. Injuries will range from the standard ‘oh my f**king god it hurts’ bruised foot to broken toes. Losing a toe nail thanks to the above and spending at least one season unableContinue reading “Horse Related Injuries that are Practically a Rite of Passage”
Having no idea which horse is yours without wearing glasses or contact lenses, you just know what colour blur it should be. Experiencing the unique pain of a horses head bashing your glasses into your face.
I want a pair of new shoes but I spent all my money on ones for my horse. The horse now has three shoes, one bare hoof and a smug expression. I can’t get a fly veil in the right shade to match my saddle pad.
Having to teach yourself to mount up using a block / fence / gate / anything available as there is little hope of you making it from the ground. People thinking your horse is way bigger than it is. “Oh my god she must be 18 hands!”. Eh, no, I’m just really short.
The Fictional Show Jumper “I can jump 1.20”. Sure you can……at home…..badly….over a single fence. The miraculous feats achieved by the fictional show jumper will often happen when there is no one around to see, video or photograph it. Likewise, none of these skills have yet been displayed at a competition where theContinue reading “People You Are Likely To Meet In A Stable Yard”
You realise you know what age all the horses are but had to think for a minute to remember what age your siblings are. You wonder what that smell in the supermarket is and then realise it’s you. Haylage and rain are not a good mix.
We have all been there….those days where you consider taking up an indoor hobby that only involves inanimate objects….. This was me, not one of my finest moments. Miraculously we didn’t part company as the horse was a gent and lifted his head up and waited for me to cop myself on.
“What’s the difference between a horse and a pony” I’m serious, two colleagues in my office job conference called me one day to ask me to answer this in order to settle an argument between them. Turns out they were both wrong, go figure. “Aren’t they dangerous?” I’m dangerous
How make up is never really ‘stay all day’ or ‘budge proof’ unless it doesn’t rub off your forehead after wearing a hat and can withstand twelve hours of mud, wind and lashing rain. Extra marks if it stays on after you get a branch to the face on a hunt. Having no sympathy forContinue reading “Things Only Equestrian Women Will Understand”