I have simple rules in life. I don’t share food unless I don’t like it. It’s mine, all mine, especially if it includes chocolate. If you wanted chips – order chips – the calories still count when your stealing them from my plate. If I am eating lunch at my desk in work while reading a book that’s because I want to be doing it. It is not an invite for randomers to drop by my desk stupidly asking ‘oh are you busy’ and then proceeding to talk shop for twenty minutes as I drop crumbs on their shoes. I am not reading a book because I am lonely or simple, I just like reading a book.
My boyfriend is a golfer. I bounce home regularly from the yard with announcements telling him the likes of ‘oh my god I jumped a MASSIVE* fence’ (*massive to me people, don’t get excited) and he will smile and say ‘ well done that’s awesome’. So yeah, he is great and supportive and puts up with me buzzing for hours like a kid on skittles just because the horse behaves. Bear in mind he will also come out with things like ‘so if you got up on that professionals horse could you jump those fences’? (eh, in a word, no) and ‘oh can you do that dressage move?’ (eh, if its on tv, probably no) and the classic ‘sure if the horse did it yesterday why wouldn’t she do it today?’. I have realised what the problem is though and it really is not his fault– unless you have ridden horses you won’t have the concept of participating in a sport where the main piece of equipment has a mind of its own. I can regularly see the appeal of being involved in a sport where the main piece of equipment needed A) doesn’t cost the earth, B) is inanimate and therefore does not have moods, opinions and feelings, C) does not need shoes every six weeks, D) cannot potentially kick you in the head ..…I could go on. Anyway, golfers of the world, to avoid any more confusion on your part at the hands of us horsey people, let me explain how it works for us…..
Evening Before the show:
– clean tack Morning of the show:
– pick out feet
– Put on travel gear Grey Pony
The evening before the show:
• Arrive at yard pleasantly surprised that pony is not quite as dirty as you expected. Pony turns around. Sadly realise that in fact all of the dirt is on the other side and is a mix of brown/green/yellow – basically every colour except white
* The gospel was ‘Horse and Pony’ magazine and Freddie the chestnut pony was god. The posters covered every inch of your wall, the free stickers ended up on every school book and some of you might even remember the day the magazine went from black and white to colour!
* You wanted to ride and own Downlands Cancara the black stallion who was the Lloyd’s Bank mascot and Milton the ultimate show jumping gelding